Understanding begins with listening

I know I still have many miles to go in this career, but when I look back on the past 25 years and even beyond that, I realize my communication career started began taking shape long before I took a single course, wrote a single article, or facilitated a single workshop. 

As a military kid, moving every few years was simply part of my life. New schools, neighborhoods, and friends were the rhythm of my childhood. Being the new kid taught me many things, but one lesson stands out above the rest: the importance of listening. 

Even though, at the time, I probably didn’t identify listening as a communication skill helping me adapt, that’s exactly what I was doing. And being an introvert, listening came (and still does come) naturally to me. So, before I joined conversations, I listened. Before I knew where I’d fit in, I observed. I paid attention to how people interacted, what made them laugh, what was important, and where I might find common ground. I realize I was developing skills that I still rely on today whenever I’m building genuine relationships and creating meaningful connections. 

At the time, I thought I was just getting by and settling in because that’s what you do as a military brat. What I understand now is I was learning one of the most important lessons in communication, and perhaps one of the most important lessons in life: Understanding begins with listening. 

Many people associate communication with writing, speaking, marketing, presenting, or promoting. And those things matter, especially in the business world. They are visible and outward-facing parts of the process. 

But listening is the other, and just as important, half.

The communication model teaches us not only about encoding messages that move outward to our audience, but also decoding the messages that come back to us. It’s a loop. That’s why before I write, speak, or promote, I listen. 

I listen to what people are saying. I listen to what people are struggling to say. And I listen to what matters most to them. Whether I’m helping a business owner clarify their message, developing content, or simply having a conversation over coffee, I’ve found that listening creates the clarity and connection that make communication work. 

The best communicators aren’t always the best speakers, but quite often, they are the best listeners. 

Looking back, I now see that communication wasn’t my calling because I genuinely loved sharing words. It became my calling because I was genuinely interested in understanding the words, experiences, and stories of others. And the writing came later. 

It’s been a lifelong journey, one that continues to shape both my career and perspective. And it’s a journey I’m proud to still be building every day.

If you take a moment to reflect, what past experience do you find shaped the life you lead today?